Apr 18 2020 - Apr 18 2020

People: 2020-04-18

One thing I have noticed is that when people think they are correct they are more likely to become arrogant and rude, especially if they think they have an authority to back them up. Example is in the buy sell group. We have different rules than others, people can discuss pricing for example, respectfully. Then some people get upset that pricing is being discussed and get overly rude or abusive. They then report to me, somewhat smugly I feel, that they are in the right, and I would "protect" them or have their back because they are backing my rules, mirroring my authority. Of course ignorant though to our groups specific rules. They think they can be overly rude as I'll look the other way because they are helping me. Like it is okay to do poorly because they help me or have helped me in the past. That I will look over their behaviour because we suddenly have some unsaid deal. This is when I think they feel more "safe" to let their true selves out.

Had a good sleep last night, finally some dreams. Had a dream I was an arctic turtle, with a white shell, I think the last of my kind. Was during the Vietnam war with MASH,and they were pulling out of the war, and I remember something with Voyager and alternate realities as well.

Tired of not working, I guess this is my retirement. People say they retire and die within a year or 5 years or whatever, I can see that. Lay down and rest, no motivation, not needed or wanted. This world is useless, everyone dies, why care about what we can not change? People are people, they live X amount to Y amount, they die, never make it past Y amount, it doesn't change, time is fixed. Then they don't exist, existence is short and meaningless. If there is no meaning in it there is no meaning in anything. No afterlife, anything you do in this world is fleeting as well so where is the point in making an effort? Anything we do crumbles, anything we save is lost.

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