Absurdity

Logan Alexander was born on 7:09 on June 12th, just two days ago. It was a much shorter labour than Ryder was, though still very hard on her. So glad to have him in this world. Ryder loves his brother already, being very gentle and giving him kisses.

I think part of the reason my brother and I have drifted so much is our mom. She keeps pushing us to be together, always saying stuff like "He's the only brother you got", "You have to be nice to him, he's your brother", "He's your brother, talk to him more" etc. Always telling me (and I assume Jason) that he is my only brother. Now I don't know about Jason, and wouldn't presume to speak for him, but the more she bugs me to do something the less I want to do it, constantly telling me to talk to him, be nice to him etc. I think has made us really drift over the years. It's like the child's natural urge to rebel. And I feel when I talk to him now it's just for her, not because I want to talk to him, so it's forced and I don't want to do it, whereas before it would be more natural. I think over the years, this has what has gotten us to stop talking, because she pushes us so much we refuse to do it. Like if I talk to him now, without her prompting me, it still feels like it's for her, to give her satisfaction, and I don't like to talk like that.

I hope to not let Ryder and Logan be like that. I will never tell him to love him because he's your brother, or treat him nice because he's your brother. I will tell them to be nice because they should be nice to everyone, no you don't get to choose your family, but I'll let them decide if they want to be friends or not; I won't force it down their throats.

Ryder hurt his thumb earlier this week, on Monday, we're pretty sure he got it trapped in the garage door, or slammed it shut on something. Ended up going to the hospital, x-rays say everything is fine. Was pretty swollen but good now, just very blue.