Journal #33: 2004-11-13
I had a dram about Selina and Victoria, the children of one of my old baby-sitters. In the dream Selina had completely forgotten me but Victoria had not. We were in a house, their house, and I was trying to make Selina remember me but it was impossible because she would never remember me. I remember I was crying because she would not remember me, I wanted her to forgive me for the cruel way I had treated her in the past. I believe this dream meant that I had to remember my past; I just don't know exactly what I'm supposed to remember.
My brother got mad and we got into a fight. He wanted my speakers cause his headphones were broken and he refused to take the speakers to the family computer. I then pushed him away from the computer after an intense argument and then he attacked. The strange then was when he punched me in the head it didn't hurt but for a brief period of time it was like my eyes were a computer screen and when he punched parts of the screen would go all blurry, you know those weird squares of static that sometimes appear, and then they would go away. It really freaked me out because I'm not sure if this is all real or not anymore.
Ate a lot today, hot dogs at Baba's and pizza at home, but like it matters no one is going to love me anyway. It's been two weeks since I've last seen Mel, it is somewhat my fault but hers too, we just haven't been making time for each other.
I think the real reason Jason is mad is because I told him I'm not going to buy him the upgrade he wanted for the computer. Work at 8am tomorrow, oh well nice long shift before the pay period ends, aka cut off. I got almost five hours of music but it's pretty hard to get more since I can no longer use Kazaa when Jason is in the house. I don't think he realizes I can disable the security measures he put on krun.exe from my file, only problem is Jason would get mad if he found out.
My wrist wounds still haven't completely healed yet, don't know if they are going to scar or not yet. I was singing a lot, with my horrible voice, to Amber yesterday, nothing romantic just random songs. She said she was gonna have nightmares of me singing. Got my bank statement, I have enough money to buy 1 meal at work, if I have to.
Decided to go against encrypting my files, just don't know if it's going to work, got to find a way to block the F: drive from other users. And also I need to figure out how to get this running on my TV screen, or get a desk so I can just lay back and watch the windows media player visualizations. I have to remember to shave tomorrow morning, and find a SHS yearbook so that I can find the girls.
There's been a lot of fires set at school lately, it's just gotten so stupid, I hope whoever it is gets caught soon before the school goes crazy, which will probably happen if one of the fires gets way out of control, and they start getting all strict.