Absurdity

WAC was great yesterday. Sherry didn't come :(, but AJ did. We were going to go to Hooters but decided to next pay check when we both have money. He bought a porno for his friend Dylan. Shaved my legs today, like it so from now on I'm shaving my legs and arms every bath so that it doesn't get so long, my God was that a lot of hair. Spent Saturday night at Baba's then I worked today. Put my pipe in my jacket, man it's been a while.

Cleaned the chicken trough at work today, but it was expected, only thing I didn't like was I had to pre-close cause a busser didn't show.

Got this great idea for a show going to write everything I can about it down then get character designs done and stuff and try to get it to actually happen. Finished sorting all my pictures from Chibi-con into folders with the people's names. Got to get my Kip Kinkel assignment done tonight, I don't want to fall behind in History. Got to send Frank the pictures I took of him, and the funny pic of D. I'll find out Tuesday if my note worked to get into dishroom.

Was supposed to do some major music downloading over the weekend but I wasn't home, but I'll try Thursday or Friday if I don't work. I owe Baba $4 for a meal today. Paid David back, and that guy, forgot his name again, so only in debt 4 right now, but I'm broke for a while. Going to want to get Evangelion movie next check, but don't think I'll have the money. I'm going to try to take Melanie shopping, then Hooters with AJ and if I don't get more shifts that's basically my check. I'm going to try to get Puni Puni Poemi before I get the movie, if possible.

Love how smooth my legs are, but it took me at least an hour to get all the hair off. But I'm sure it'll be easier next time when I have less hair. Can't wait to hang out with Jackie tomorrow, I know I'm being stupid but I hope something happens between us when we go to get high, hoping she's still giving me some.

It's nice having a place to write and know that no one else can read it, but I hope after I die they find this and read it, so that they know more about me. My biggest fear right now is if my hard drive crashes and I lose everything I have, especially the journals. When I get the burner back I'm going to burn a back-up of all my most important files on it, and then hide the CD so Jason can't find it and read these journals. Got my yearbook back, finally realized that I have to pressure Darren to get anything done. My nails are so long, you know I have long nails, shaved legs and arms; I’m acting kind of girlish right now, but oh well just who I am, not afraid to express my femininity. My hands are doing much better, need to take more long baths, but also need to take showers cause they just make me feel so much cleaner.

I want to create that show, but don't know if I will, never have the time to take on big projects like that. I'm up to 8 AMV on my computer, going to want to get a lot more by this time next year for Chibi-Con. I am determined to have this con-suite; I'm going to have free cereal for breakfast, and chips and dip etc. Going to ask Frank and AJ to go in on it with me, I know that Frank is a really responsible guy. My wrists are healing very nicely, few more weeks and they'll be nothing but scars. My right big toe is getting a little swollen though, nail broke off and now it's swelling at the side.

Want to buy some more film next pay check, take pics of my female friends, like Jackie and Sherry and Sarah, and more pics of my pets Yaudge, Samantha and Tasha. The main character in my story is going to be called Koji, last name unknown. I would write more about my idea but I'm saving that all for when I actually start. I have to figure out a way to block off the F: drive from my brother so that I can store my porn there, I don't want him stumbling across it.

Christmas is coming up soon, the 5th and 20th I'm going to only buy presents for my friends. Lost the necklace Baba gave me, it fell off my neck sometime during the day and I didn't notice; she gave me two identical ones, I gave the other one to Amber. Melanie ignores me sometimes so much it feels like I don't even have a girlfriend. Hope Justin has Golden Boy for me on Monday. Gave Randy Excel Saga, says he'll give it back next Saturday. No school Thursday or Friday so tomorrow is like a Friday. Need to get my English story done and my 3 history assignments, then if I'm all caught up in English and History I'll work on all my math assignments.

Still hope to work things out with Mel, I just would like it if she was willing to kiss, nothing more just some kissing and maybe one time while we're cuddling in front of the TV we can fall asleep together and nothing else will happen. That's my fantasy, no sex just being with a person and knowing that you are cared about; be nice if we were naked too so that I could feel her body up against mine but it's more about wanting to know that there are people who care about me.

I keep lying to my Mom about math, I know it is going to make things so much worse when next report card comes around and she sees that I'm failing, its just that I can't take math, I don't even need pre-calc, I just need applied, but Mom's convinced that if I don't take pre-calc I'll be closing off a lot of futures and that I'll wind up being a failure. I just hate all the pressure that she puts on me. I just want to be able to get away from it all, can't wait till I'm eighteen and the school can no longer tell my Mom what is going on in my life. She just expects so much from me I can't stand it, I know that soon, maybe next report period, there is going to be a major fight between us and I might end up walking out.