Absurdity

I haven't had an alcoholic drink since December 14, 2013 now. I am still going strong. I have had one or two drinks with a meal, but not straight alcohol, always a mix where it's part of the drink, I'm drinking the drink, not drinking to get drunk. I used to say my purpose was to have fun, and that drinking facilitated having fun. But more and more I realize I was drinking to get drunk, not to have fun but to get myself as far from myself as possible. I would go out and I wouldn't focus on enjoying myself, I would focus on having as much to drink as I could until I was so drunk I thought I was having fun.

I decided to go cold turkey because all though I've really cut back on my drinking in the last few years I still find whenever I do drink I want to drink more and more, if I'm going to stop I need to just stop. Whenever I do get drunk I do lots of really stupid things, I want to stop that. I want to be the best me that I can be, I want to be smart again and read and write and play chess. I spend so much time drinking I get nothing done on days I drink, and then I don't do anything the day after to recover. I miss my books, and hopefully without alcohol in my life I'll find time to start reading and writing again.

Jeff was let go at work. It is kind of sad, I've known him for so long, and I always feel he's trying to improve, the problem is whenever he takes a step forward he takes a step back as well. He will be into it, but a few weeks later he seems to go back to his old ways, and his attitude just irks everyone in the kitchen and restaurant. Also with sales getting so low right now, labour is just too high and lots of cuts need to be made. He is a good guy, and was nice outside of a work context, if it wasn't for all the smoke breaks he wouldn't be too bad to work with, just has to apply himself, but he never seemed to do that for long. He knew his music really well, and he knew his sports even better. It's a small city so I'm sure I'll see him around.