Absurdity

Miss my beard, can't even grow it back without shaving. Would want everything to be naturally even but now if I let it grow now my hair would be unevenly long. Everything sucks, and I feel so bad whenever the girls reach for my face now wanting to grab and hold onto it, like a good dad should. And by time it grows back they'll be older and not want it anymore and these are my last kids and everything is lost. And winter is cold Nad shitty and I'm so tired of living this every year.