Sometimes I think feelings are opposites, like happy and sad. It's hard to have one without the other. For a long time now I haven't really felt sad, I can get really depressed, like a deep pit kind of, but never just sad, and I think that has kind of stopped me from being happy as well. I don't really feel anything, I just do what I do to make things easy for me. I am completely selfish, sometimes I don't even think I feel love anymore. I think it started when I realized this is it, no afterlife, no mystic energies, our universe is what it is, and when we die we are simply gone. There is no morality besides what we make it, and we only make it to serve our needs. We are nice because it's easier to go through the world that way. Only thing I really feel lately is being upset or anger or hate, most other emotions are void besides the rare occasion. I feel sometimes I might be happy, playing with the kids, laughing or talking with Diana, then I "catch" myself and stop me from getting too happy, from smiling too much or being too crazy. Morality doesn't come from without, it comes from within, and is quite subjective. Because nothing we do matters, when we die all our thoughts are gone, our being, who cares if we leave behind children, they will die too and then what shred of memory of us is gone. We'll be reduced to a name somewhere, a footnote in a family tree, which will eventually disappear too, like all things in this universe eventually there will be nothing. Why does any of this even exist? People will say since there is no God then it has no meaning, but if there was no meaning to any of this then it shouldn't be in the first place, it either exists or it doesn't, there is existence, and eventually there won't be, so there must be a reason, even if it's beyond our comprehension. Time may be a construct of being within the universe, only known by those within, to be without may be to know the true nature then, as if there is no time then there can be understanding, if there is anything to do the understanding. How can something always be, what if the universe just does cycles of rebirth? Back into another big bang? Why did it start, but if it didn't start, was just always as is, then how? It must be true because I am here to think about it, in whatever form, so there is something, but what is something? I go from personal to vast, issues plaguing me either way. Can I find happiness again knowing the truth, and is there a point?
All have different views of right and wrong. Sometimes can be hard to come together. I think a big thing is just accepting others will be different and let them do their thing and you do yours as long as doesn’t hurt others. What most things boil down to, don't hurt others and they won't hurt you, do unto others. Because if we don't have that as a society and a culture then we can't have our individual fun for risk someone may ruin it, so we kind of have to collectively agree, hey I don't bother you, you don't bother me, and that's where everything comes from. Of course it's not simple and humans make it more complex over time, what is harm, what is subjective, do you let someone hurt themselves? What if they think hurting themselves is what they want? What if you can't agree if it's harmful to themselves. In allowing them to hurt themselves do you open up to others thinking it's a good idea, is that indirectly harming others?
I think that's where everything came from, in a way anyways. Our need to enjoy ourselves. Then it starts getting complicated, in enjoying ourselves we shouldn't stop others from enjoying themselves. Well where does that rabbit hole go? So we started off simple, then get more and more complicated, then there is a gray area, so we ask a third party to settle that dispute. Then maybe they get a bit wise, used to settling disputes, maybe they learn to be neutral to always be the third party, then they start making laws, don't do this or that, to limit how many disputes there are, derived from a natural law of sort. Then it keeps going until we are where we are now.