Absurdity

Behind depressed isn't "very sad", it is its very own real thing. It can be a chemical in balance in the brain, or just the way we are wired, or so many other causes. Which is why professional medical help is often needed, to treat it or the underlying cause. Sad things can trigger it, or it can just pass us by, can have highs and lows, go from "Happy" to "sad", but also just level, kind of melomcohly, you don't really get "truly" Happy or "truly" sad. Like you know you should be sad but you just aren't. You don't feel anything but weight, inability to express, heavy is a good word for it.

You feel sad you can't be happy, but it's still not sad. It's hallow and heavy at the same time. Weightless weight. Meaningful and meaningless. And it's a pit you just keep going down. You can climb up a bit or hit a platform but it's a downward decline.

There is a void, a hollowness you try to fill. With food, a video game, anything that is slightly comforting or distracting. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but you always want and need more. It is so easy to be addicted to anything, that gives you some emotion, some change. Drugs, alcohol, food, to try to not be hallow.

You have taken the most important step, the first one, you can take slow steps or big ones, probably a mixture, make your own pace. It might not end but it gets better, more manageable. You reach out, you get friends, a support network, doctors. You keep pushing against that weight until it gets light. Like working out. Do enough reps, with guidance and medical advice, and that weight gets lighter, easier to push back against. It might be the same but it'll feel light with everything you have. You're awesome. You got this.